Contemplations

I've discovered that I do not find facebook very interesting. I mean, I basically use it for pictures and occasionally birthdays and maybe if I feel like it I'll post on someone's wall. Actually, I didn't just discover that. I think I've essentially felt that since I started using facebook. Except occasionally I'd get obsessed with like...quizzes or something. But I felt like I should post that out as a straight out observation so the WORLD MAY KNOW HOW I FEEL!!! :P I am totally okay today.

Which points to my next point. I have been practicing my imagination. I feel like I conform too much to the standards of conversation about what you do every day and school and grades and whatever and if you think about it...that's both boring and gets old and on the superficial side. So I've been pondering more about questions that I am interested about that are totally out there so I might start blurting random things. Totally smart since I've already made fun of for being dumb right? XD I know, genius.

So we're on our third week of school and things have been pretty good. Not too much homework so I've been relaxing most days. Taking naps a lot. Which isn't good so I need to start not taking naps every afternoon. And I should bring my textbooks to school so I can do homework at school since I procrastinate quite a bit nowadays. In addition I should actually start working on my college applications, letter of recommendation forms, SAT signups, and other "productive" things that I just don't find very meaningful...If I'm planning to go to De Anza, maybe I should just skip out on the recommendations and all that jazz. It's a question I definitely need to think over carefully. Ahhh, senior year, kinda harder than I expected. Which is kind of weird because I thought it'd be more relaxed. But as it is, it seems like so many people are just stressed out, sad by something, or depressed in general. :( Not the best encouraging environment, but things will come out okay!

O yeah, and I'm starting to not like my English teacher. He says some things like it's the only way to go about the world and I feel like he's a staunch atheist or something. I dunno, a lot of stuff he says seems to contradict Christianity and poke fun at me toooo...I guess I'll have to think of something to feel less targeted in that class? Other than that, TAing with Kimberly has been a blast, APES has been fun and educating and I really enjoy the class. Government is kinda ehhhhh, right now since we don't seem to be doing anything meaningful and sculptures is sooo fun making our spheres. I really like working with clay and making cute stuff.

I think I have no clue what I'm talking about anymore. Anyway, copying APES notes right now and maybe doing some current information for government. Dad's leaving for China in two days to see Grandpa and Grandma and our other relatives. I think that's about it for my life currently. I guess I'm sorta confused about my life in general too and my relationship statuses and love and what I'm going to do with my life, but hey, what's new?

I want to love you more God!!!

x3 Graceee

****One more thing!!! An excellent mellow song I've recently heard: Urban Zapaka - Caffe Latte
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUlPsdCjN10&feature=PlayList&p=AF3A2E0F259B97E9&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=106
I think I'm going to try to get into more Chinese, Japanese, and English music this year, but hey, this song's still good!!!

Goals

I did not actually believe that I'd be able to reach this point in my life where I would find time to convey my thoughts concerning my goals this year. Well here they are and changes will probably occur throughout the year and I probably won't succeed on a lot of these goals...but here goes nothing!


1. I want to be nicer this year. This probably seems either vague, hilarious, unnecessary, or impossible depending on who you are. Well, I've been wavering between being ridiculously pushover-y and being sarcastic, sadistic, and pointy humored. Most times I'm both and I don't mean any of the things I say, but I still feel like someone's going to get hurt or extremely annoyed if I keep this up. So I would like to settle with something less extreme and be more consistent about it. Enough about that...slap me if you see me being sarcastic or something :P

2. I want to be more extroverted. Throughout the past year, I basically threw away my social life to focus on my studies...a choice I am not so happy about this year. I guess it would be more accurate to say I want to throw away some of my self-consciousness and be more willing to talk to people without pre-judging them or having biases. I want to be able to talk to people more freely, including my closer friends.

3. I want to be uncomfortable. I guess this goes into being more extroverted and being out of my comfort zone to get to know new people. I know Dean has been encouraging us as seniors to venture out this year and he's been asking what our legacy is. Well, I really want to follow what he says and try to get to know people and live out my life more meaningfully. :)

4. I want to work hard at my music. Even if it's just for fun, I want to be the best singer that I can be. I also want to improve on my piano and sight reading skills. And of course, harmonization. How much of this will come true, who knows? But we can only look forward to that.

5. I want to actively maintain the friendships that I have. I feel a lot of my relationships with others have gone down the drain mostly because I have a fear of being close to people I don't see often, mostly because I am scared of how people may change. I hope I will take more initiative and maintain friendships with people if not get closer.

6. Well, I definitely want to improve on my foreign languages. This includes my chinese (getting a bit rusty), my japanese (almost nonexistent currently), and korean (which is probably better than it should be...but still not good). I would definitely love the chance to practice them and use them in the actual country.

7. I want to earn money and have a job (law firm namely). Hopefully, I will be able to do something meaningful with that money. Like going to Asia...Or something else.

8. I want be more fit. Not necessarily more buff, but less fat percentage would definitely be nice. And I want to play badminton more legitly and not be all blah at it.

9. I definitely want to pursue God more directly and be motivated. Notice how this goal is toward the end of my goals...Let's be honest, I haven't been very active in my faith and what's worse, I feel as though I've been faking my sincerity although I know the truth. I have not been facing my problems or even trying. I don't know how many times I've told myself this, but I really try to do my best to read my bible more consistently and prayer journal and stuff. Be good role model?

10. How could I forget? I want to be able to maintain this blog for as long as I can (hopefully for this year and for the rest of my life? :O...shocking thought).

11. Ooh, this is a really iffy one. Get into a relationship? Heh heh...don't exactly want to put it as a goal, but at the same time it would be nice. This is all from my view of course. I don't know what is going to happen this year, but I'm just saying I'll be looking out. I guess the worst part of this is that I don't expect it to last, but yeah...I don't know. Maybe God wants something different for me. But just putting this out there!

Well, that's all I want to bother think about right now...and it's no short list either. Maybe I'll come up with some smaller perk goals that aren't so serious...not that all those goals up there are serious. O well, enjoy and keep me accountable! Hope to update on my school life and thoughts soon. Toodles!

x3 Graceee

New Beginnings

:) It feels pretty refreshing to be starting a blank page with a brand new blog! I think this is my third try with consistently blogging and with the blog that I share with my school friends, I think I've been making steps (as slow as they may be) to writing more and checking for updates more often. Coincidentally, today was the first day of school. I'm a SENIOR!!! That's such a bittersweet thought: I'm so excited for what lays ahead of me yet I'm also sad for all the great teachers and the friends that I will soon be leaving behind for college after this year. Wahhhh, but that's not until awhile from now so I'm going to appreciate what I have right now. This is my current schedule:

1. Women's Choir - Roddy
2. English 7/8 - Ajlouny
3. AP Environmental Science - O'Shea
4. American Government Honors/ AP Economics - Bergantz/Miller
5. Sculptures/3D Art - Imerson

I think I'm going to change soon since I need to TA for Bergantz and I'm going to drop from choir (hopefully a choice I will not regret and hopefully not a class that I will die without) and I need to add Physics Honors...or should I add Statistics AP so that I can have a math??? I really miss my math buddies and all the educated people around me. It's really not the same with the people around you who aren't motivated to learning the curriculum and don't even do the work. At the same time, I feel like I'm being so judgmental against the people whom I label "preps." However my schedule ends up, I sincerely hope that God will give me patience to see these people as people that He loves despite any shortcomings they may have. After all, I'm not that great of a person myself for being biased against them. Wow, I don't think I've written so meaningfully online before. Hope I have more times like this, and hopefully another blog post soon about my life in general and of course, my goals for this coming year!

x3 Graceee

()_()
( o.~ )
(")( ) ( )(") <==3 <----boohoo, this is supposed to be my bunny but apparently it doesn't show up well on this blog post :( sadd ***after some editting...this might actually work!!! :D

************************Add-on: Dawning, you are tagged in this note because even though it may be a small thing, you helped me start this blog and I hope we will share lots of memories through this blogging and you have a really big inspiration for me starting blogging again. If that's not enough, well, you're awesome and deserve to be tagged in all my posts!!! (especially since you will probably be the only one following it XD)